Many of you know that I recently lost my father in law to cancer. Well, in the past month, I have also learned that my beloved Aunt Judy, who is like a mother to me, is losing her battle with cancer as well. Once again, I find myself helping others through the hospice experience.
While Aunt Judy lives far away from me, my immediate family lives nearby and is leaning on me for information and comfort. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I have experienced it and am familiar with the happenings. I can share information with them that they may not necessarily know or realize such as hearing is the last sense to leave a person when their body is dying. It was new information to me just a month or two ago.
Now that you know the background I can get to the point of this post. There really is a point to this rambling post, I promise. Someone said this to me recently after seeing my devastation:
“God won’t give you more than you can handle.”
Have you heard that quote before? Baloney. That’s a crock. Of course God gives you more than you can handle. If I could always handle it alone then I wouldn’t need God , would I? Let’s break it down for a minute here. If God only gave me what I could handle then I guarantee that autism would not be in my life. I guarantee that I would not be facing yet another death of a loved one. I wouldn’t be trying to put on a brave face for my children and do lessons when I just finished crying from reading the latest update. I would be bouncing off the walls in a rubber room or living a completely different life.
Psalm 34:19 A righteous man may have many troubles; but the LORD delivers him for them ALL!
But God did give me these things or at least He allowed these things in my life. There is a reason for all of it. When I feel like I can’t make it yet another minute, I fall to my knees and cry out to Him. I turn on praise music and turn my blessings into praise. I must stop and give it all to Him. Is it easy? Nope. Not even for a minute. Is this one of the hardest times of my life. You betcha! Does God want me to turn to Him for strength when I think I can’t make it another minute. Yup.
“Sing to the LORD a new song; sing to the LORD, all the earth. Sing to the LORD, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day.” Psalm 96:1-2
I don’t believe that God is up there thinking of mean things to happen to me to see my reaction. That’s not my point here. My point here is that when bad things do happen and they will , I can chose to wallow in my sorrow or turn to God. One tears me down and One brings me comfort. I chose comfort. God has allowed me to have more than I can handle here. I can’t do this alone. To be quite honest, I don’t know if I can do this period. But that’s ok. All I have to do is lean on Him and He will carry me through.
I don’t even know if this post makes sense. I am just trying to process my thoughts and work through some tough emotions. Thanks for hanging in there with me.