Many years ago , Michael and I were going through some difficulties in our marriage. I was reading something ( I really can’t remember now) that said something revolutionary to me. It became my daily prayer for many months.
Lord, love him through me. Use me to show Your unimaginable love to him.
It sounds pretty straight forward. I would show Michael how much God loved him. It was not easy. Well, it’s easy to do when you already love the person immensely. Not that I didn’t love Michael a lot. I just didn’t particularly like him if you know what I mean. It’s much harder to do when everything the person does gets under your skin. When you are so overwhelmed by life and autism that your vessel is broken. You have no love for yourself much less love to give someone else.
I set out to change my focus. I started to see things a little differently. I mean God loves us even when we are unlovable. He doesn’t throw our faults in our face or criticize us at every moment. When I wanted to criticize or be derogatory (which unfortunately can be quite often for me), I simply prayed, Lord, love him through me. This reminded me that I wasn’t loving or disliking Michael for myself. I was doing it for God.
It worked miracles for my marriage to say the least. I quit focusing on his faults and started being encouraging. I put his needs ahead of my own. I let God love him through me. Amazing things happen to people when you are loving and encouraging. They become loving and encouraging back to you. Michael put my needs ahead of his own. If you don’t think that revolutionized our marriage then you have missed the boat, my friend.
Do I always do it? Absolutely not. Sometimes the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Oftentimes, I put me first. It is especially hard to do when you feel, right or wrong, they don’t deserve it. Deserve it or not, Jesus called on us to love . It’s not your job to decide whether your spouse is worthy of your love. It is your job to love. The end.
You can’t do it to get something from your spouse either. You must simply love them even when they don’t reciprocate or make your life worse. Cry out to God to love them through you. Be strong and courageous in your love. You can not go wrong showing love to your spouse .
I encourage you to let God love your spouse through you especially when they are mean to you or rude. On those days when they rub you the wrong way. Pray daily for God to love your spouse through you. Then watch God in action.