it can be perplexing as a parent when your autistic child lashes out aggressively toward you or others. Most autism parents will tell you that that’s just part and parcel of being an autism parent. Kids can often be boisterous and strong-willed, but there’s a big difference between that and full blown aggression.
Dealing with any kind of aggression from your child can be tough, especially as they get older, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t things that you can do. Aggression for us in Autismland means either Logan’s sensory needs aren’t being met or he’s frustrated and doesn’t know how to handle it.
Find ways for them to channel it
Often aggression can come from not having some kind of sensory outlet, especially on a physical level. If your autistic child is a seeker and is not getting a chance to get the sensory input he desires then he will lash out. Having a sensory room or backyard helps seekers get the input they need easily.
If your child is an avoider, it’s equally important to make sure their triggers are being avoided. Give them time to rest and reset. All in all, a sensory diet is a must for autistic children.
Meeting their sensory needs will cut down on the aggression tremendously. Trust me on this one.
Help them understand it
Here’s the big truth about anger that a lot of people fail to realize: anger is only ever the expression of another emotion. Anger by itself doesn’t really exist. In reality, people get angry as a way of dealing with other emotions. This could be fear, loneliness, frustration, or anything really.
The best thing that you can do is to try and help your autistic child get to the bottom of what they’re really feeling. Once they’re able to express it, then it will be much easier to talk things through and figure out how to deal with things more effectively. A great way to do is to model and teach. Talk about how you’re feeling and why out loud ALL THE TIME. If you don’t feel ridiculous, you’re doing it wrong.
One thing we always try to do with Logan is to minimize his frustration over his inability to do something. When he was younger, this meant making sure he had a way to communicate his wants and needs. We watch his interactions closely to help him navigate his surroundings without a meltdown. As he has gotten older, this has become more important. A 6 foot man having a meltdown is not something you want to navigate. Again, trust me on this one.
Set clear boundaries
It can feel as though everyone is watching and staring when your child gets aggressive in public. Setting clear boundaries for them helps the keep the aggression at bay for the most part. Autistic children thrive on structure and familiarity. It helps them to feel safe as well. They use so much energy navigating the world around them that they need you to be clear and concise in your expectations. Mean what you say to them from the get go.
Most of us are aware that our kids would never actively want to do anything aggressive or unpleasant. It’s important to be patient with them so as to not add to their distress. By being there for them and making sure that they know they’re safe and cared for, you’re always going to be able to help them through to the other side of their anger.