Making Marriage a Priority

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Remember that handsome man you married or the beautiful princess that walked down the aisle to you?  You looked into each other’s eyes and pledged to love each other forever through good times and bad.  All was right in your world.  You spent hours talking to each other.  Weekends were adventures as you went out to dinner or took trips away.  Life was good and simple.  You could picture yourself with this person for the rest of your life.

 

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Then came children.  Time got short.   Nights were long as babies cried and cried.  Days were long as you were so sleep deprived from the crying baby.  All of a sudden , your priorities change.  The role of Mom the caregiver and Dad the provider takes over increasing as more children are added.  Add a special needs child in the mix and all bets are off.  Your free time is overtaken with caring for the child or researching new therapies .  You become an exhausted mess who can’t make a coherent sentence.  One day, you look around and realize you have a roommate not a spouse.  You don’t know that person anymore.

 

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That was my life in a nutshell.  One day, I woke up to realize that I had no clue who the man was that came in to sleep as I got up for the day.  We were on two different tracks of life.  He worked long hours at night to provide for his family which for him meant that I stayed home to care for the children and homeschool.  For me, this meant long days involving lessons in between therapy appointments for our child with autism.  One child with extreme special needs with a toddler makes for a grumpy mom with no energy left to be a wife.

 

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Something needed to change before we were too far gone to save our marriage.  We had to make a conscious decision to make our marriage a priority.  At first my husband wasn’t completely sold on the idea.  He recognized the need for change but wasn’t sure what I was pitching was the best way about it.  He takes his role as father very seriously.  When he first heard the concept of putting our marriage in front of the children’s needs , it seemed illogical to him.  Your window to have an impact on your children’s lives is incredibly short .  He didn’t want to miss that nor did I .  Not to mention that Logan had some incredible immediate needs with his autism that could not be put on the back burner.  In the end, he agreed that one day, the children would be gone and it would be too late to save our marriage.  We had to work on it now.

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No one tells you when you get married that it’s hard work.  That you must work at it every day.  That things will come into your life that will either draw you closer or tear you apart.  Every day  you must make a conscious choice to forgive and move on.  To put another’s needs before your own. This can be so hard when you’re already tired and can not fathom how to do one more thing for one more person.  Take heart.  This season in your life will not last long .  You will make it through to the other side .  The question you must ask yourself is will you resolve to make it through with your spouse?  That, my friend, takes work and dedication.  It will not be in vain.  You will reap the rewards of your hard work.  Your children will be better equipped for marriage because of it.  Your future daughter or son in law will also reap the reward of all the hard work of your children getting to see a Godly marriage.  Their parents loving each other is the best gift we could give them in the end.

 

Comments

  1. This is a good reminder! I think sometimes we get caught up too much in our daily life – that we forget the most important. I know I need to make more of an effort with my husband. Thank you for this.
    -Stacey

  2. I completely agree and love this post! Marriage is work and we should make it a priority job. We should all take the time to appreciate what we HAVE, before time makes us instead appreciate what we HAD.

  3. Thank you for sharing this story. I have read that one of the best things you can give your children is a strong marriage. Kudos for making your marriage a top priority :)

  4. You are right. Marriage MUST come first before kids. It is really hard for the world to understand that, and it can also be really difficult to explain how and why, but it is essential. We are in the baby years right now, and my son refuses to separate from my hip, so that makes it difficult. We may not have much alone time or down time, but we are always each other’s number one priority, and we are committed to each other for life.

  5. Marriage is hard work, but isn’t is amazing when we work on it? It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I hope you find more time to reconnect with your spouse. We try and do one date night away from home a month, and spend time together every night before sleeping.

  6. Such a wonderful, inspirational post! Thank you for your many tips! I’ll be visiting again.

  7. Relationships of all sorts suffer when there are kids with special needs in your home. even the relationship with yourself.

  8. Great post, it is so easy to lose perspective in our busy lives. I can’t even imagine how much harder it is with a child with special needs.

  9. Very true. Even though our days are so full, we must nurture our marriage. Thanks for sharing these wisdom words.

  10. This is so true. It can be so difficult to find the time or energy with a new baby! I hope this turns into a series on different ideas for reconnecting with your spouse :)

  11. I love your ending. “Their parents loving each other is the best gift we can give them…”
    Great blog post. Great advice. Thanks!

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  1. […] that you know it’s important to make your marriage a priority, do you know what that looks like?  Do you need ideas on ways to make your spouse the  most […]

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